The Cause

Over recent weeks, I have narrowed down that working long hours and having very busy weeks correlates almost exactly with an increase in seizures. I conclude that stress is my primary cause. Not stress in the way you would think though - I don’t feel irritated or angry with work, just the general quantity. I used to actually thrive upon this and worked much better with a certain amount of pressure but things change. As a result I almost feel more irritated with myself than with my work.

This raises many questions for me and my potential earning power now and in the future. Will I have to discuss my timetable with my boss? Will I have to admit inadequacy to do the job at all? James has said that he will endeaver to get paid more in his job so that I could possibly get a less demanding job. This would make me sad initially but it may be something I have to accept if I want to reduce the number of seizures and believe me, that takes precedence over virtually everything else. I seem to get more and more residual injuries and I feel it is a matter of time until something serious happens. The burden on family, friends and work colleagues also troubles me greatly.

Conversely I feel selfish whenever I become upset about my situation. There are those who suffer much more greatly than I from terrible physical afflications.

Not one day passes where I do not think about it. Not one evening with my husband or friends goes by without me worrying that I will burden them with another seizure. I frequently bore them with pointless talk of it. Last time I passed out because the pain was too great. I remember it clearly. James said I lay unconcious with my eyes open.

I think the time has come to do more. This brand of medication is not working sufficiently. It is time to demand more from my doctors. Mr Whitfield believed that more could be done for me and I believe it too.